Trust

So often I try to control things. Trust doesn't come easy for me.

BUT

Over and over our loving Father has shown me that His ways are best. His timing is best. My mind knows that, but my heart has had a hard time keeping up today.

Today, we learned that there are no more Consulate Appointments (CA) being scheduled for September. The next available appointment is October 20th.

I'm not going to lie, it is disappointing. I hate the idea of my son being in an orphanage longer. It's not so much about me getting to snuggle, as me wanting my son to be comforted, to know love, to start to understand family.  All I can do is trust that our Heavenly Father is holding him tonight, comforting him, preparing him for the day that he will meet his family. I can't move paperwork.  I can't schedule appointments.

BUT I can trust. He comforts for me and He comforts my children, no matter their geographical location. He loves me and He loves my children. He is enough.

I am doing Beth Moore's Children of the Day Bible study right now. I am behind. However, I believe the timing of today's lesson was perfect.

This morning this was what I read:
"Life cannot be sustained here on earth without a certain amount of exposure and pain. This world is too broken for us to make our goal not getting hurt. What if instead of fixating on taking hurt out of our hindrance, we prayed for God to take the hindrance out of our hurt?"

Beth went on to list equations for living life without hindrance. While I never want my boys to hurt, I cannot eliminate the hurt from their life. Even if their lives hadn't had such a hurtful start, hurt would come.

BUT, what if I could model these equations...

Childhood trauma - hindrance = testimony

Disappointment - hinderance = faith

Devastation - hinderance = trust

I am not sure how to do this, but I am willing to learn. Isn't it amazing how today's timing was perfect!

I am thankful that He is in control.
I am thankful He is cares for us.
I am thankful that He is patient with me.
 am thankful that He is still working on me.
I am thankful that I don't have to stress over last minute packing.
I am thankful I can focus on B and O for these last few weeks as a little family of three.
I am thankful that I can relax and trust Him.

And for those who only want to see pictures...

Walking leads to...

dirt which leads to...

stick violins.

Then a guitar at home.